“Til death do us part” often includes managing financial issues like credit card debt, refinanced student loans, and past-due child support as a couple. Unfortunately, many couples don’t handle money matters well, and research shows that money is the leading cause of tension in romantic relationships. Perhaps that’s why 1 out of every 5 spouses hide debt from their partner, and 27% of individuals with hidden debt have secret checking accounts.
Yikes.
If you find it difficult to discuss money matters with your partner or aren’t sure you’ve covered the important issues, we’re here to help. Before you book a session for financial marriage counseling, try discussing the topics below with your significant other.
Basic Living Expenses
Do you know how much your rent or mortgage payment is and when it’s due? How much does your electric bill usually cost, and what’s your monthly budget for groceries? What’s the monthly cost for trash removal?
If you can’t answer the questions above, sit down with your partner and create or review a budget together. You don’t have to split the expenses evenly (unless you want to), but you should know how much goes toward household necessities each month. You should also know how much money the two of you have left after paying vital expenses. This helps you plan accordingly for other financial obligations.
Child Support
Many stepparents see child support as their partner’s debt rather than their shared debt. After all, you didn’t conceive the child(ren) together, so why should you care about your partner’s child support expenses?
Well, your role as a stepparent involves providing a loving, stable environment for your partner’s kids. That includes the environment the kids experience at their biological parent’s home, which is why it’s important that child support gets paid on time, every time. Also, late child support payments can result in probation or even jail time for the paying parent. Other potential issues that stem from late child support payments include:
- Probation or jail time
- Interception of tax refunds (yes, even if you file a joint return!)
- Frozen or garnished bank accounts
- Liens on personal property
These are serious repercussions that can majorly impact your life, even when you’re technically not the parent responsible for payments. Make sure you and your partner know exactly when child support payments are due, as well as when other payments from a divorce decree or custody agreement are required. These expenses may include daycare, medical insurance or treatments, and extracurricular activities. Include all of these costs in your monthly budget, and allocate some extra funds for unexpected issues like medical emergencies.
Credit Card Debt
You probably know at least one person (hopefully you aren’t this person!) who racks up a bunch of credit card debt and then says, “My partner is going to kill me if he finds out. I better hide the bills.”
Many credit cards report payments and balances on a monthly basis, so there’s no way to permanently conceal your spending habits. Well, unless you pay in full before the credit card company reports your balance, but please tell your partner if you do that. He or she deserves to know about your credit card usage, especially if you have joint accounts. A missed payment or high balance can impact both of your credit scores for months – possibly even years.
If you feel like you’re drowning in credit card debt, develop a plan to fix this situation as quickly as possible. Need some suggestions? Check our helpful tips to escape debt in 2018.
Expenses for Special Occasions
Do you have children? If so, who’s going to pay for graduation ceremonies, prom dresses or tuxes, and birthday parties? Even if you don’t have children, you still need to develop a budget for bridal showers, wedding festivities, and holiday expenses. You should also figure out who’s going to pay for not-so-fun events like funeral proceedings for in-laws.
You may want to each open your own checking account, plus create one shared account. Dedicate the shared account to expenses you agree that you both should handle, such as your daughter’s wedding dress or your son’s graduation ceremony. Use your separate accounts for events you attend solo, like a friend’s bridal party or a friends’ night out at the ballpark.
Future Financial Goals
After you’ve developed a plan of action for past debts and current expenses, you’re ready to prepare for future goals. These may be practical goals, such as buying a house together or getting a shared vehicle. You may also want to save for some fun expenses like a family vacation or a retreat to a couples’ spa.
You don’t have to pay your debt in full before you create fun financial goals, but make sure you don’t completely neglect your regular expenses. A relaxing vacation won’t evoke fond memories if you come home to find the electricity disconnected or a stack of collection letters from your debtors.
Discussing money matters with your partner can be stressful, but it gets easier if you do it regularly. Start by addressing any relevant topics above, then move on to other financial issues that impact your relationship. You’ve got this!